“When the World Stops Listening: Fighting to Exist in a Broken System”

Tired of It All

Right now, I’m honestly wondering what the point of any of this is.

There is so much hate in the world, for anyone and anything that doesn’t conform to “the norm.”

Judges are ruling along ideological lines, making decisions that uphold laws designed to discriminate, especially against trans people and our access to life-affirming care. So much for government staying out of people’s lives.

Lawmakers push these bills with the same ideology in mind. These aren’t policies built on facts or empathy. They’re built on fear and control. And what does the world do?

Nothing.

People either don’t care because it doesn’t affect them, or they actively support it. They sit back and let it happen. They turn away, change the channel, scroll past.

And the right-wing “Christians”? The ones always shouting about morality and values? They want the entire world to be straight, cis, and just like them. They cannot stomach anything different. They scream about persecution while they weaponize their faith to persecute others. Honestly, there’s no hate quite as loud as Christian “love.”

Then there are the TERFs. I hate using labels like that, but I’m just too tired to pretend anymore. These self-proclaimed feminists target trans women with viciousness that should be reserved for actual threats. You’d think that those who know what it’s like to live with less privilege would stand in solidarity. But instead, they punch down.

Loss after loss. Ruling after ruling. Law after law. And always, it’s trans people who are under attack.

In Tennessee, young trans people are now banned from accessing gender-affirming care—treatments that save lives. And for what? Because some adults are scared of individuality? Because they don’t understand? How long before these laws expand to ban care for adults too? How long before they try to ban us from existing entirely?

I am beyond tired. Tired of trying to find the silver lining in skies so thick with ash. Tired of fighting. Tired of waking up each day wondering what new right has been stripped away.

What’s the point when no one listens?

What’s the point when those with power push forward without ever consulting people who actually live these lives? When they ignore science, ignore doctors, ignore trans voices? What’s the point when people call us attention seekers, or say we’re mentally ill, or just plain wrong for existing?

How much longer can any of us take this? How much longer can we survive the vitriol, the apathy, the silence?

I go to work every day pretending nothing’s wrong. I’m expected to function while being legislated out of existence. I sit next to coworkers who I know voted for people who want me erased. And work among people that obviously dislike immigrants, since I have heard that right wing Clarion call "If they don't like it they can leave." I hate having to sit near people that have that shitty attitude and know they claim to be Christian, which likely means they dislike Trans people too.

Yes, the company is supportive, but that doesn’t change what I feel walking into that space, knowing there are people around me who’d rather I didn’t exist.

And it’s hard to care about work that feels meaningless. Who cares about budgets and invoices when your entire identity is under threat? How do you keep doing your job when your community is under siege?

I know there’s a lot wrong in the world. But that doesn’t lessen what we’re facing. The attack on trans rights is real. The removal of care is real. The isolation is real. And now they’re coming after our helplines—our last lifelines. First the care, then the support, then... what?

How do I keep going?

How do I keep pretending this is okay?

Because right now, I don’t know.

I’m fresh out of answers. I’m tired of being told to “just smile,” to “stay positive,” to “be strong.” Why should I have to make others feel comfortable when I feel like I’m falling apart? Why should I have to protect people from the reality of my pain?

I’m tired of finding silver linings.

I’m tired of holding it together.

I’m tired of being tired.

All I’ve ever wanted is to live. To exist in peace. To be myself. But I’m not allowed that—not by Republicans, not by anti-trans bigots, not by a world that keeps asking me to explain and justify my own humanity.

Right now, I just want to rage. To scream. To cry. To break something. But I don’t. I hold it in. Because if I let go, I don’t know if I’ll be able to stop.

So instead, I shut down. I close myself off. I pull back. And that only makes it worse. The silence inside me echoes the silence outside.

I’m tired of it all.